I need changes in my life. I’ve grown up, I’ve evolved… sharing my life like I used to do when I was a teenager, is just not the woman I’ve become. I have new interests, and it’s mostly wellness-centered.
The other day I thought to myself, I should share my tips & tricks and instead of “not blogging” and leaving this place to feel empty, I could really write my own bits of advice here – but I can’t bring myself to blog anymore though.
So, quite a few things are coming your way. I might change the layout and the address soon, or switch to a new website entirely… so be prepared for my next era. I can already tease you on what I’ll be focusing on, which is : Wellness, Travel, Style, Beauty, Food etc.
For those of you who really enjoy having a peek into my adventures, sometimes I’ll post personal things. That way everyone will be happy and hopefully, get what they’re searching for. Love you guys, xoxox !
Wow, it’s been a while. I was just counting how many times did I post on this blog for the past year, and this is only the 20th post… which is crazy low. I used to update & share my content over twice a week sometimes.
Truth being told, I didn’t get a chance to work on my projects because I didn’t have the needed gear. I used to be on my MacBook all the freaking time, and I was editing until my eyes were red, I had such bad sleeping habits and I wasn’t eating healthy, I didn’t take care of myself : then all of a sudden, my most loved device died on me.
Guess what, I didn’t have the funds back then to repair or replace it. For some reason, I didn’t even care. I was like “okay so this is a mandatory break” and I completely abandoned the pursuit of my ideas, or even dreams.
It’s been way over a year since that happened. I moved back to Paris from LA, which was totally depressing. I started an actual job to help me focus on the realities. I met my boyfriend who’s been non-stop pushing me to move onto better things. But I wasn’t feeling it… there was so many things about me, I needed to repair.
Now I’m still working on some of those things, but I’m in a good place. I’ve realised what I achieved maybe small, but it’s helped me progress on many levels – it’s an everyday effort to keep up with yourself and your well being.
I am currently writing you from my newest MacBook; I invested in one. I decided I matter, whatever it is that fascinates and inspires me, matters as well. It’s important to put into the world what makes your amazing, awesome self so special, and that way you might awaken or give strength (or other positive feelings) to others. Because that’s what I’m personally striving for in life, to connect.
My computer broke down more than a year ago, and it’s been really challenging, actually almost impossible to get any work done… but oh well, I didn’t think it mattered because I thought so little of myself : like, why would anyone care if I just stopped doing what I was doing…
and what was I doing anyway ? I didn’t have a clear answer to that. I would just go out for fun and create some photos or video content, that I would then share here… but to what purpose ? I literally had none. I just knew I wanted, or more like, I needed to do things the most creative way that I could think of, but I didn’t want it to be meaningful or that deep. I wasn’t taking myself seriously in any way, so I didn’t want anyone to think that of myself.
I abandoned everything pretty much, even though it didn’t happen in a day. Over time I just figured maybe I’m not good enough for any of my dreams, that it’s not actually worth it to waste my time (as if my time was that important that I should be careful of what I’m spending it on) on things that are unreachable to a person like me… someone who just doesn’t have what it takes to take her ambitions further any line. So I declared myself to be incapable to be like those iconic people I was admiring, and who were ultimately motivating me still to keep on dreaming.
And that was so easy, to let go of myself, that it became scary… somehow a terrible fright installed itself in me, so profoundly that it unabled me to try and succeed at anything that could potentially get me out of what had become, a depressive state. I didn’t look the part, but I was and still am unhappy because of my life choices. My entire life I’ve been scared of abandonment, and it ended being me who did this to myself. I’ve never been so hurt as to realize how bad things got because I led them to it.
This is a long torpor I’m trying to get over. I’ve been awake for a few moments while in it, but it’s taken control. No matter how many times I wake up, it pulls me back to drown me again… and I feel like I’m a good swimmer, but most of the times it doesn’t help. I’m on my way home now, I can see the shore. I just need to keep swimming and if only I can reach it, then I believe I can save myself.
It all always mattered, I just wouldn’t have faith in me. Those small, or big, or whatever size that dreams can be, we’re all entitled to try and nothing should make us doubt we can’t have them become a reality. They’re as real as we are. So long it’s in your head living, then you ought to birth it and gift it to the world. We all deserve to trust in ourselves more, and spread that amazing love that is ultimately what is saving me from those dark times I’ve been through.
It’s my boyfriend that makes me love myself more, and it’s empowering everything in my life. I’m going to turn this difficult period into something beautiful, create a bunch of butterflies to lift me up above. I have some good news, something that’s going to make a huge change in my future : I’m set on getting a new computer… and that means, I’m finally ready to invest in my dreams.
“For people who are supposed to love unconditionally, families seem to have a lot of conditions. One day I want to make a family with no conditions. Maybe that’s all I really want.”
“Loyalty means never giving up on someone, even through doubts and differences. It’s a noun with action fueled by shared experiences, which are memorable, meaningful, and irreplaceable. But loyalty isn’t blind love, it shouldn’t be taken for granted. Loyalty means telling someone when they’re wrong when no one else will. And loyalty means apologizing when you’re wrong, because of the trust you’ve built over time. Loyalty is true friendship.”
This Holiday season I have to pick up gifts for my family as usual, my friends of course, and something I never had to care about before, it’s someone new who has taken a huge part of my time this year, because I’ve met the love of my life ! The actual man of my dreams. I feel so blessed and happy, and I really need to nail this Christmas for all of them.
Clyde, Rohmer wool-felt beret – 95 US Dollars | Isabel Marant, Lecce leather belt – 120 US Dollars | Strangeloves NYC, Perfume oil necklace – meltmyheart – 260 US Dollars
THE BEST FRIEND.
My best friend loves fashion and cute fancy boxes, atypical little things that she can keep around so I always try to get her the funniest and most original stuff.
THE BOYFRIEND.
My man is quite manly, but he also likes taking care of himself so I’m definitely gonna get him some beauty products for his beard and since he loves whisky and elegant materials, I’m gonna look for that.
Elizabeth Arden, coffret Eigh Hour – 44 Euros | Balmain Paris hair couture – 65 US Dollars | UGGturn cuff gloves – 140 Euros
MY FAMILY.
They’re just like me when it comes to cosmetics and makeup, so I know I can easily make them happy with some awesome kits that have various things in them. Nice wintery clothing is always a good idea, and you gotta find that one thing that defines the person to make them special and different from the other members of the family – to show them that you know them !
ME, MYSELF & I.
Of course you have to think of yourself… Christmas is important because it also means that you need rewarding for your hard work, and your tenacity towards life and you gotta just empower yourself with something meaningful to you… or just splurge to your fantasy, because that’s also the magic of it all.
I miss my best friend a lot, I can’t wait to see her soon in Paris… check out some of our pictures from back when I went to visit her in Switzerland; the weather was chilly and rainy but we still managed to do a whole photoshoot !
