I got lost for a moment

I don’t know what happened, I just got lost for a moment…

I felt absent-minded all day, like I couldn’t connect to the things around me anymore. Everything in my life seemed so ridiculous and unlike me. So many people were just there and none of them meant anything, not one of them cared to understand me.

I had so much rage built up inside of me, I couldn’t stand it anymore. I threw my phone to the floor and turned my back on my mom. She yelled out my name in exasperation more than worry, until I was out of reach and wouldn’t hear her. I did not look back, I didn’t care to give her any satisfaction.

Then I was lost for a moment. It was my first time coming to this mall, and frankly my head was spinning from running off and pushing whoever was on my way to the exit from the store I was in with my mother. Once outside my ears were ringing and I felt I could faint.

I started looking for directions to a Starbucks or anything like it, but instead I spotted a supermarket. I went there to get some water and found a gluten free strawberry cake that wasn’t half bad. I sat outside on a bench for a while and swallowed that up, deep in thought.

I was completely jet lagged. I had just gotten back from Los Angeles a day before, and here I was, in Paris on grocery shopping duty with my parents… I mean, not actually because I had literally run off from my mother, and *in*conveniently tossed my phone out so no one could get a hold of me… seriously, what was I doing ?

I didn’t really know, except, I was for sure not doing anything I wanted any longer. It was like, I was back in a trapped life. I hated it all.

‘What was I gonna do on my own’, I really didn’t think this through… that’s me you know, I never give much thought into anything when I get angry. No, instead I just do whatever comes to my mind on an impulse, and deal with the consequences later (I guess).

There was no way I would find any of my two parents in that insanely-packed-with-people mall. I tried to remember where my dad left the car in the parking lot, but I had some trouble since I was distracted all day. For some random, inexplicable reason, I stood there in front of the supermarket on the lookout and there he was : my father.

He was walking towards me, so I did the same towards him, to get together faster. He said he’d been looking for me, that he went to the car first thing and when he didn’t see me there he figured I would rather be eating some place, pointing to the empty gluten free strawberry cake box I was holding.

I smiled. I was wrong. There was actually one person who cared enough to know me. My dad, who was the one to find me. We went home afterwards, and the deafening silence in the car between my parents informed me they had a fight. Probably about what happened. I didn’t care anymore, I fell asleep and blocked it all out.