“He touched me and it felt, as if the stars were dancing across my skin.”
He said “thanks for the memories”
Because that’s all I’m good for now,
Being remembered as someone that was.
Soft summer nights with you, swimming in the pools, enjoying sunsets views from our room, eating whatever we wanted and making love while breathing into each other’s hearts a wild fire… I still love you.
I keep seeing posts online of people being so excited about the next thing in their lives… they can’t wait for what happens next, and most of what they seem to be doing is wishing to be already then, but once it’s happening, it’s a blur because they’re still thinking about whatever happens after that…
It’s kind of exhausting and sad, in my opinion. There’s so many awesome moments that they’re not fully enjoying, and it’s like – just stop, because it’s worth it. I practice comfort & pleasure. I dwell in the little precious moments, and I love just being in the present. It makes me feel empowered and relaxed. There’s a beautiful inner happiness from doing that, so I encourage you to try it as well.
My boyfriend and I went to this amazing Israeli restaurant in Paris, named “Shouk” the food there is extravagantly tasty. In appearance simple, it’s actually elaborated in savor, a good cuisine that fills you up pretty neatly. Then we had coffee at “Craft”, cute spot.
Today we celebrated my sisters birtday ! We did very girly things like doing face maks in front of Netflix, and some shopping, we also ate out to enjoy ourselves and talked so much that I actually lost my voice… no kidding.
I love them more than I could ever describe, they are the best people in the world, they are my other half… I’m so lucky to have them in my life. I’m so happy I get to share awesome moments & experiences with them. I LOVE YOU 🙂
“I don’t understand, is it a millennial thing ? This need to share everything with the world ?”
There’s so many articles, tweets, and posts online about millennials… being part of that generation, I don’t exactly grasp why there’s such an obsession about our values & behavior – but at the same time, I know we’re totally iconic.
Yes, I am being sarcastic right now. I was recently advised to stop sharing my life, and accused of being a narcissist because I kept a blog as a diary… and somehow that gave the right to that person to paint me as self-centered.
Although I cannot agree because I know that this has always just been a cool hobby to me, and it’s whatever, not that serious. I was still deeply affected by that hater speech, which compromised my true personality and made me out to be someone I’ve never been.
But I get it, “millennials are like gluten, nobody really knows what they are but everybody loves to hate them”. The funniest part in that quote is that I check both cases, because I’m also intolerant to gluten… which is great.
I’m probably gonna start adulting soon (I hope… it’s another joke), and put my mind back on serious work, but in the meantime, I will not accept anyone tell me how to process my feelings for example. At the end of the day, I know myself best and I know what’s right for me.
So thank you for good feedback, but no thank you if it’s just trying to ruin my mood.
I go back & worth with that question in mind – assuming your boyfriend likes your hair a certain way, or color, should you actually keep it that way only to please him ? Even though, it might not be a true reflection of who you are, or want to be.
I feel like for women, anything that has to do with our looks is so important to us, because that’s how we express ourselves. The patriarchal society tends to repress women’s freedom, voice and of course their appearance.
Most men will not understand how it is an every day challenge for a woman to let herself be. They’ve been raised in an unfair world that benefits them, so they think even how a woman keeps their hair or dresses up, is a due to them.
The reality that needs to be spoken out, is that it’s not. Women have let themselves be submissive over the generations, mostly out of a survival instinct. Which is totally comprehensible… we are also the nurturing souls, and if we cannot please a man enough, then how are we supposed to birth families.
But we are not slaves to their needs. We have to listen to what we want, because they don’t. If you like yourself the way you are, then stop listening to whoever is trying to change you to benefit them. You’re going to end up like a broken doll that doesn’t even recognize who they are anymore.
Your mom did not give you life, so that you would sacrifice it to an underserving man. You are not the victim to women’s past. You will rise for yourself, and for us, and we will put an end in time to men suffocating us. Be proud to be a woman, and act strongly by choosing what suits you.
Wow, it’s been a while. I was just counting how many times did I post on this blog for the past year, and this is only the 20th post… which is crazy low. I used to update & share my content over twice a week sometimes.
Truth being told, I didn’t get a chance to work on my projects because I didn’t have the needed gear. I used to be on my MacBook all the freaking time, and I was editing until my eyes were red, I had such bad sleeping habits and I wasn’t eating healthy, I didn’t take care of myself : then all of a sudden, my most loved device died on me.
Guess what, I didn’t have the funds back then to repair or replace it. For some reason, I didn’t even care. I was like “okay so this is a mandatory break” and I completely abandoned the pursuit of my ideas, or even dreams.
It’s been way over a year since that happened. I moved back to Paris from LA, which was totally depressing. I started an actual job to help me focus on the realities. I met my boyfriend who’s been non-stop pushing me to move onto better things. But I wasn’t feeling it… there was so many things about me, I needed to repair.
Now I’m still working on some of those things, but I’m in a good place. I’ve realised what I achieved maybe small, but it’s helped me progress on many levels – it’s an everyday effort to keep up with yourself and your well being.
I am currently writing you from my newest MacBook; I invested in one. I decided I matter, whatever it is that fascinates and inspires me, matters as well. It’s important to put into the world what makes your amazing, awesome self so special, and that way you might awaken or give strength (or other positive feelings) to others. Because that’s what I’m personally striving for in life, to connect.
My computer broke down more than a year ago, and it’s been really challenging, actually almost impossible to get any work done… but oh well, I didn’t think it mattered because I thought so little of myself : like, why would anyone care if I just stopped doing what I was doing…
and what was I doing anyway ? I didn’t have a clear answer to that. I would just go out for fun and create some photos or video content, that I would then share here… but to what purpose ? I literally had none. I just knew I wanted, or more like, I needed to do things the most creative way that I could think of, but I didn’t want it to be meaningful or that deep. I wasn’t taking myself seriously in any way, so I didn’t want anyone to think that of myself.
I abandoned everything pretty much, even though it didn’t happen in a day. Over time I just figured maybe I’m not good enough for any of my dreams, that it’s not actually worth it to waste my time (as if my time was that important that I should be careful of what I’m spending it on) on things that are unreachable to a person like me… someone who just doesn’t have what it takes to take her ambitions further any line. So I declared myself to be incapable to be like those iconic people I was admiring, and who were ultimately motivating me still to keep on dreaming.
And that was so easy, to let go of myself, that it became scary… somehow a terrible fright installed itself in me, so profoundly that it unabled me to try and succeed at anything that could potentially get me out of what had become, a depressive state. I didn’t look the part, but I was and still am unhappy because of my life choices. My entire life I’ve been scared of abandonment, and it ended being me who did this to myself. I’ve never been so hurt as to realize how bad things got because I led them to it.
This is a long torpor I’m trying to get over. I’ve been awake for a few moments while in it, but it’s taken control. No matter how many times I wake up, it pulls me back to drown me again… and I feel like I’m a good swimmer, but most of the times it doesn’t help. I’m on my way home now, I can see the shore. I just need to keep swimming and if only I can reach it, then I believe I can save myself.
It all always mattered, I just wouldn’t have faith in me. Those small, or big, or whatever size that dreams can be, we’re all entitled to try and nothing should make us doubt we can’t have them become a reality. They’re as real as we are. So long it’s in your head living, then you ought to birth it and gift it to the world. We all deserve to trust in ourselves more, and spread that amazing love that is ultimately what is saving me from those dark times I’ve been through.
It’s my boyfriend that makes me love myself more, and it’s empowering everything in my life. I’m going to turn this difficult period into something beautiful, create a bunch of butterflies to lift me up above. I have some good news, something that’s going to make a huge change in my future : I’m set on getting a new computer… and that means, I’m finally ready to invest in my dreams.