I haven’t felt like writing a diary entry in a long time. I am not in the mood for it. I came back home to Los Angeles, and life here just swooped me away from everything that used to bother me. I couldn’t care less of all the things that confused and brought me down, when I’m here.

And I remembered who I really was… I have to admit I lost myself for a little while. I forgot what were my dreams, I almost gave them up for a simpler life, something most people would consider as better but not me. That good steady life that society dictates as fulfilling, could only make me miserable.

I just need more. I crave for something else so deeply that I cannot ignore nor runaway from it. I can’t even try to settle for less, it’s beyond me so I keep pushing. It’s like there is a big hole instead of where my heart should be. I can feel it expanding, devouring any remains of my soul.

Those darkness of mine are relentlessly luring me out towards a path that leads to extremes. I want to follow it so bad, even the sacrifices I’d have to make on the way wouldn’t stop me, as long as in the end I reached my dreams. That’s all that matters… some faraway lunatic future.

I am so in love I could kill myself. I am nothing anymore but the lover of a nightmare disguised into a dream. I’ve put my trust into personal demons that are destroying me slowly, shaping me into the warrior I need to be. For all this is the first battle in a ruthless arena. Ave Fatum, morituri te salutant.