it’s 11pm and i’m in bed eating tortilla chips.

Tomorrow night I will be in Paris… tonight ? I’m at my best friend’s in Zürich. I came here a couple of days ago to spend some time with her. She’s an incredible human being, one of the most amazing that I am lucky enough to know and basically, count as family. We’re like sisters when together; I love her so much.

I was busy the week before leaving Serbia for Switzerland, so I had no time to schedule any posts for The Blog the way I usually do. Which of course, I felt bad about & started to blame myself because I promised I wouldn’t do that anymore… or that if it really had to happen, I would at least take some time off so I could give you a heads up, that I will be “ghosting” for some days.

Last time I wrote that, I definitively did not realize what it actually meant in real life. Now that it’s happening, I figured it was a mistake to promise such thing, because it’s totally impossible to keep. I mean, when I say I’m busy it also means I’m exhausted to a point I can’t handle anything at all. I barely make it to bed and fall asleep right away… so managing more than that is just not realistic.

I know there’s people who can deal with much more intense things in their lives, and still keep doing what they’ve put their responsibilities into : I’m not like that. I wish I were, but as hard as I try, my body and mind won’t every time, keep up with me & everything that I want. Sometimes, I learn that it’s all right to recognize my limits, for my own good.

That’s why I am not gonna stress myself over missing out on my blogging duties for a week. I am only gonna clarify and change what I wrote that last time when I was being reckless with a promise. My goal is to post an article a day on weekdays. I try to schedule them a week in advance so it allows me to skip blogging a day or two the next week, if I have to — because I’m traveling and unable to focus on The Blog during that time (for example).

Which is great, since that way it stays updated and nobody is missing anything. When I can’t do that, I try to post “live” the day there’s no scheduled posts, but that requires me to have an hour or two break from my crazy life, which is not always possible. When all my efforts to be proper with blogging fail, I try to publish the five posts I usually make, even if it steps up on my weekend.

Problem with that is my weekends are packed & needed for personal intentions, and it kills me to work then if I feel like I gotta. Basically what I’m trying to say is I’m really doing my best to keep my word, and be a good blogger & I think in all fairness I am not that bad, because I’ve created this blog in 2010 and it’s still up and running.

Thank you for your patience & occasionally baring with my irregular schedule. Now you know that if there’s no update it’s because I couldn’t make it, but that I tried to. Big kisses, xoxox ! Madison.

Being a millennial kinda sucks…

Am I a lazy unproductive millennial walking-cliché ?

Adulting in the 2000’s makes me a millennial… I’m actually not yet a “fully function-able adult” and, unfortunately I identify to some of those big clichés about my generation.

I guess the biggest truths to me are that 1) I am totally technology addicted. I spend most of my time behind a computer & I would probably get a panic attack if I didn’t have an electronic device by me at all times (just thinking about it gives me rash).

2) Obviously not good with managing my time, or schedule, whatever you want to call it, I’m just terrible at it. Like most other people my age, I feel super stressed and overwhelmed, completely overloaded with my life and unable to find, make or even finish projects or simple tasks.

Take this blog for example. I love writing and sharing content here, it’s like a safe place where I can be me without filter, because it’s mine. Still, despite taking my weekends off and basically having no obligations towards it, except a passion and desire to post at least one daily update, I somehow always fail myself.

The trainwreck of “poor time management” began last week when I failed to post something, anything, on Monday. Now we’re already Thursday, and this is my first post of the week; which is ridiculous !

I slipped major… I know I could have done better ! I am upset at myself, and as awful as it sounds, maybe being a millennial is my excuse for this. Some sort of explanation to my behavior, and yeah, it does suck but what if that’s just it ?

I am tired of telling myself that I’ll do better next week, or that I did the best I could and that it’s fine anyway, because of how I was taught. I seized the moment today, I took an hour to think and then started writing this.

I realized that’s really what I need. Only about an hour a day to feel better because I didn’t let go, and achieved a goal I’ve set. So I’m gonna take that hour a day to blog : if that’s important to me then I need to do it. No more excuses, millennial or not (I mean, except if there’s actually something that happens and makes it impossible to do so).

Anyway, I also want to be more positive, inspiring and helpful I guess… I think that’s going to reflect my future publications, and also actions. I just want my life to have a meaning close to my heart.